Adventures of Chelsea Roberts
by rowiedaalabdo78
Summary: Chelsea goes on various adventures across the omniverse. Barbie Massive Multiplayer crossover. Crack fic.
1. The Galaxy Book

Astronaut on the Earth Donut. Astronaut ate the Earth Donut and say "Tasty Earth!". He is going to the flat Earth again. The Astronaut Chelsea comes. She comes to the Earth Donut and she says "Yummy! Tasty!". Then Chelsea comes to eat the Earth. She says "Yummy! Tasty! Delicious!". Astronaut Chelsea come to Astronaut Rainbow Dash. Chelsea and Rainbow Dash go back to the Earth.

The wizard shows up and gets some potion to her. The two of the girls will be kidnapped. Green Goblin shows up. The girls tie to their mouths. They say "HMM!". And they shut up. Then PJ kill the girls Chelsea and Rainbow Dash.

R.I.P CHELSEA

R.I.P RAINBOW DASH

R.I.P DONUT EARTH


	2. The Number Book

Lady bug9+10=17 9+17=26

Astronat Chelsea went to the galaxy.

Astronat kin is drum ass.

Asronat Barbie is so cute.

Astronat ryan is adorable.

Asronat deninse is strong.

I love my family.


	3. The Art Book

Ken is an astronaut. King Ryan is smart and tough. Chelsea is alive. Iron Man is flying across the city, then Ultron shoots him down. Astronaut Chelsea comes in the Hulkbuster and beats Ultron at Rock Paper Scissors. Then, Joker and Loki destroy the Hulkbuster. Chelsea is crying like a little baby, "WAH! WAH!". Then, Hulk kills Joker, and Loki runs away. Chelsea says "Thanks for saving me Hulk!". Hulk says "HULK SMASH!". She-Hulk saves Chelsea. She-Hulk says "The Hulk is under mind control! Yellow Jacket is in his head!". Then Scarlet Witch explodes the city.

R.I.P. THE CITY

Jessica Jones and Krystal and PJ and Chelsea and She-Hulk and Rainbow Dash save the city. THE END.


	4. The Donut Book

Baby Chelsea woke up. Baby Chelsea went to school, then she played Playstation. Baby Chelsea fell asleep. Baby Chelsea wake up and was a grownup. "WHAT?! THAT'S SO FUNNY!", Baby Chelsea giggled.

Dudeman enters the room. "WOW! YOU'RE SO BIG!", then Chelsea eats him. Rainbow Dash says "That's so silly!". Chelsea says "YUMMY HUMAN!". Chelsea is a zombie. Rainbow Dash shouts "AHHHH!".

Rainbow Dash is a zombie too. And Baby Chelsea say "WAHHHHH!". Then they eat eachother. Then Barbie saves Chelsea.


	5. The Made-In-China Book

Baby Chelsea is going to the space house she meet donut on the way he say YUMMY YUMMY then baby chelsea scream then he eat then rainbow dash come and kick his ass then they both go to space house

END (me)


	6. The KKK Book

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a holy order named the Knowledgeable Knights Klub, with members such as famous Idiotas as Enderman and Endergirl, and newest recruits Steve and Axel. The Enderman killed himself.

THE END

?

Actually, no.

MEOW. MEOOOOW. MAO ZEDONG IS EMPEROR. *lickity lickity*.

TIANANMEN SQUARE NEVER HAPPENED. QUACK.

MAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MEOWWW. MAOOOOOOOO. SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKS avgn kys.

ABENJ MEE

FIN


	7. The Ghostbuster Book

Once upon a time, there was 5 ghostbusters. They came to get Ken and Chelsea, who were both GHOSTSSSSS. So Ken and Chelsea made a plan to trap the ghostbusters inside a nether portal.

Ken built the portal, and Chelsea lured the ghostbuster in while saying "hah you will never catch me!". The ghostbuster got angry and ran at Chelsea, but then Chelsea moved and the ghostbuster fell into the nether portal.

Then the ghostbuster said "HELP!". And then a wither skeleton shot him with an arrow and said: " I'm gonna kill you!"

The End.

Fin.


	8. The Pro Book

BABY CHELSEA AND BABY PRO HAD TO PLAY IN H=THE WATER PARK. THEN, THE POLICE GOT THE TWO BABIES AND PUT THEM IN THE SEWER JAIL CELL. AND THEN THE BABIES ESCAPED AND TRAPPED THE POLICE. THEN THE POLICE SAID "AHHH! ITS SO STINKY IN HERE! LET ME OUT!". THEN THE BABIES RETURNED TO THE WATER PARK AND PLAYED IN THE JACCUZI. THE END. FIN. END OF STORY.


	9. The Wither Storm Book

Baby wither storm woke up. Mama wither storm made cookies. Daddy wither storm found a big giant captain crazy. Bugboi and bigboi jewjew train. I like to eat little girls like CHELSEAAAAAAAAA. And digest them in my bellyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahahazhahhahahhaha.

Chelsea wither storm is NOT in my bellyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. She is cute and is part of the WITHER-STORM familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


	10. The Wither Book

Baby wither storm woke up. Mama wither storm made cookies. Daddy wither storm found a big giant captain crazy. Bugboi and bigboi jewjew train. I like to eat little girls like CHELSEAAAAAAAAA. And digest them in my bellyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahahazhahhahahhaha.

Chelsea wither storm is NOT in my bellyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. She is cute and is part of the WITHER-STORM familyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


	11. The Ghast Yes Book

Steve and Alex were turned to baby ghasts by the evil witch. They screamed "WTF" and then they exploded. Then luke skywalker showed up with a lightsaber. Then luke saved baby ghast steve and babay ghast alex. The end. The end. The end..

THE EEEENNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRB EWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD.

YES THE END IJGNHVB

YES YES THE END IJGNHVB

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	12. the ken book (the end)

So youre trans you must really hate ur boddy huhn?  
ive konkered ol za shippies, imnevergonna dstohb shibs snd peaz and scowards ive ate te fookin lott, pepperoni pizzie and shaken vandalu, oim a bik fath basterd cus I luv me fokind fud, ale ale ale, ALE ALE ALE

We live in a period, why of course

I don't deserve u, u should e=be with a real girl-YOU ARE OUT OF UNIFORM SOLDIER, WHERE IS YOUR POWER ARMOR? Don't have any? YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT, MAGGOT? THE TRUTH IS, YOU *LOST* AN EXPENSIVE PIECE OF ARMY ISSUE EQUIPMENT! THAT SUIT IS GONNA COME OUT OF YOUR PAY, AND YOU WILL REMAIN IN THIS MANS ARMY UNTIL YOU ARE 510 YEARS OLD, WHICH IS THE NUMBER OF YEARS IT WILL TAKE FOR YOU TO PAY FOR A MARK 2 POWERED COMBAT ARMOR WHICH YOU HAVE LOST! REPORT TO THE ARMORY AND HAVE A NEW SUIT ISSUED TO YOU, THEN REPORT BACK TO ME, PRIVATE! DISMISSED!

POOP!

AHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHH FUNNY POOPIES!

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXXDDDXDXXXXDXDXDXXD ELELELELLELELELELELELELLELELELELELELELEL PPPPPPPOOOOO

OOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYY

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

YYY! HAHAHAH AHAHAH

AHAHAHA FUNNY POOP! POOP FUNNY! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YAY FOR POOPIE! GOOD POOPIE! POOPIE FUNNY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

DDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

DDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP

POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP

POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP LELELELELELELELELELELELLE XDXDXDXDDXDXDXDX

POOPY FUNNY! YAY! FUN FUN POOP

! TEE HEE XD POOP! POOPY! YAY! POOP MAKE ME HAPPY! HAPPY HAPPY P

OOP POOP! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH HDXDXDXDXDXDDXDXDXDXDXDDXDXDXXXXXDDDDDDD

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

POOP IN PANTS! NO DIAPER! THAT'S FUNNY! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

OOPSIE! POOPY UNDERWEAR NOW! TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE TEE HEE

WE WANT POOPIES! WE WANT POOPIES! WE WANT POOPIES! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH HHHHHHHH :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) AHA

POOP!

My pet rock of 14 years died of old age a few hours ago and my family is making fun of me.

Her name was Rookie and she was a small crested rock. I really loved her a lot, for such a small thing she had so much personality. She would always walk onto my hand if I held it out for her and would jump to the cage door if I was home from work.

For the last week she had been sluggish and not climbing at all. She stopped visiting me when I came home and stayed on the cage floor. I knew deep down it was her age, but I wanted to just believe she was just maybe a little out of it, so I tried to keep her healthy and hydrated. Just today I came home and found her motionless, i went to touch her gently and saw she was still breathing and stiff. But she was clearly weak and the breathing was shallow. I didnt want to bother her, I know rocks get stressed out by human touch when they are uncomfortable, so I left her.

An hour later she was dead, I knew because when I went to touch her, she was limp, she had never been so limp before.

I told my sister and showed her the body as I was taking it to the backyard for a burial, she seemed shocked, but oddly asked to take a pic. I told her no as it was weird.

I buried her, grieved for a few hours, and decided I would stay home from work tomorrow.

My parents came home and I told them, they were respectful, well my mom at least was sympathetic, my dad didnt do much but listen. I just came back upstairs and I heard them talking, my dad and sister dont exactly have quiet voices.

They said that I was overreacting, how maybe if it was the dog I should be upset and crying. And how my managers would think I would be stupid if I called in for the death of a rock.

I thought they would be respectful, but I guess they really didnt care for her or how much she meant to me. It makes me furious, but I dont have the energy to confront them. She may have been small, and not the brightest, but I really did love Rookie, I've had her since I was in elementary. I just wish they were more understanding about this.

I like monkeys

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200.

I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.

Although humourous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odour wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell they were lying.

Ingrates.

So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.

Today I [40M] caught my wife [19F] having an orgy [2hrs] with my sister [19F], father [81M], and nanny [107F]. I took my bags [9lbs] and left to an overnight motel [$40/n] to think things out. Should I end our marriage [3yrs] or try therapy [$100/hr]?

Please help me, i have a blood pressure problem, and when i checked it the machine showed, blood pressure out of range of equipment, please guide me.

**UPDATE: I just discovered that they have done such orgy atleast 3 times before, i just discovered a facebook group where they planned this, and facebook even told them when i was not at home (it tracked me through the phone), but it didnot track me this time as i had uninstalled, due to the Cambridge Analytica scandal by zuck. Thank you Zuck**

"Holy fucking shit, oh my fucking god. Did you just? Say something, and you have.. AN ANIME PROFILE PICTURE! how DARE you enjoy Japanese animation what is even wrong with you?" I say with my spongebob profile picture. How dare you enjoy television that was created in another country with a specific art style! Weeb alert, weeb alert. Look at this weeb guys, NO ANIME ALLOWED HAHAHA 🐧🚨🚨. LOOK AT ME GUYS HURR DURR I'M SO FUCKING FUNNY HAHA, I'm so clever and funny you weeb, how mentally challenged are you weeb? Oh you watched Cowboy Bebop that one time? Sure you did, I bet your 50 years old and jerk to octopus? Haha guys, get it! I made fun of the guy because he enjoys a Japanese art style. Time for me to make the same meme of SpongeBob over and over again, bye bye weeb!

Hear me out..I'll keep it short.

What if Kobe Bryant was Jesus Christ and "the new romans" i.e. the Cabal nailed him to the cross THE VERY NEXT DAY after Lebron aka "The Cabal's guy". Kobe Bryant was speaking, thinking and acting ever increasingly as the years passed by with a spiritual authority that becomes apparent after watching his videos while hes a teenager or when he's in China and he's calming everyone down after a massive accident. Pure hearted and locked in to the truth, he releases a documentary and wins an Oscar. The Hollywood Cabal tries to reel him in and he rejects the notion. Cabal says "well that sucks but our guy Lebron will pass him tonight" and Boom Kobe is flown into a mountain at 185 mph with pure hearted individuals like himself. Now I'm not here to say i believe or don't believe in God but i do believe in spiritual evolution and when the key clicks things are activated and reading through all this fear and panic got me randomly thinking about Kobe's demeanor and his obvious evolution post NBA self. IDK all I can say is, let's raise a glass to striving to be the best and keeping calm and moving on :)

Why did i move here? I guess it was the weather. Or the... ah i don't know, that thing. That magic. You see it in the movies. I wanted to retire. From what i was doing, you know? From that, that... line of work. Be a good guy for once, a family man. So, i bought a big house. Came here, put my feet up, and thought i be a dad like all the other dads. My kids, would be like the kids on TV. We could play ball and sit in the sun. But well, you know how it is.

AITA for making my grandfather sick?

My family is really traditional and my grandfather is definitely the patriarchal figure who we all look up to. He made a lot of money through his companies and as a result, our whole family live very comfortable lives.

I recently lost my virginity and in my family amongst my male cousins and uncles that is a big deal, we have a big BBQ for each person when it happens. Yesterday we had mine and there's obviously some gentle ribbing involved. One of my uncles was asking about the girl, asking if she was blind etc and what her father did for work. I mentioned he owned the local Indian restaurant and the mood changed. My grandfather turned white as a sheet and put his hands on my shoulders and said 'you need to be honest with us now, is the girl White?' I shook my head and my grandfather just stormed off. One of my uncles followed him but I was angry so I shouted something about him being racist. A few minutes later my uncle ran back saying Granddad was very sick and had thrown up all over himself and he needed to go home. One of my cousins volunteered to drive him, as he was being helped into the car I tried to ask if he was okay but he just waved me away and called me curry dick.

My uncle was very angry at me for making my grandfather sick but I'm not sure what I've done wrong? AITA?

Edit: my uncle has now contacted me to tell me that my grandfather wasn't being racist, it's just that in the 90s his chain of restaurants when under as a result of the local Indian restaurants under cutting him which is fair enough

Hello Miss, I would love to buy a container of your shit and pay you for it. I am willing to offer $500. You will need an airtight air release container, it is a specific kind of container to preserve the fecal matter. You've probably never done anything like this but it can be pretty simple. I could also throw in an extra $50 if you could follow food requirements. I'd prefer for you to eat a hamburger and at least one baked potato during this time. Send me a message if this is something you are interested in.

So there was this scientist, which are very intelligent people, they are very smart but they aren't as smart as me so you should take their information with a grain of salt. Not a lot of people know this, but taking a grain of salt means not to trust something, like you shouldn't trust the FAKE NEWS media like CNN, and not to take, like, table salt. Salt tends to be very salty, like the tongue part for tasting salty things. Salt is also very good on steak as well as chicken. Scientists are very salty so you should take salt. One scientist turned themselves, like transforming like the transformers robots, which is a very complicated thing I'm intelligent enough to understand, a pickle. I know a lot about pickles. They are green and cylindrical and taste salty like scientists and CNN. Pickles are very much like cucumbers but are in fact very different things. I want to be humble, but it's true, I know more about pickles than anyone. There are also sea cucumbers, which are fish, which implies the existence of sea pickles. Sea pickles are fish that are like sea cucumbers except they taste like scientists, due to a liquid called vinegar my friend Kim Jong Un just told me about. He says he has it a lot, just like the very well fed citizens of his country. FAKE NEWS loving marine biologists like to claim there are no such thing as sea pickles, but that's a lie, my son has one in the Minecraft game. There are billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions of pickles not including sea pickles which is very close to the amount of immigrants who are criminal illegal drug users. The scientist, literally, turned himself into a pickle. That is a very very super duper tremendous accomplishment. He called himself, quoted from REAL NEWS network OAN, Pickle. Rick. Good job Rick Sanchez. Very good job. That was the funniest shit, shit is another word for fecal matter or poop, I've ever seen in my life, and I've seen a lot of funny shit on FAKE NEWS networks like CNN, very funny jokes about me, like how I treat women, very humorous! Thank you FAKE NEWS, very cool! Very funny stuff! I hear a lot of funny jokes at my press conferences, political rallies, KKK meetings, court, the White House, furry conventions, meet and greets and joke books. Very funny.

So thewe was this scientist, which awe vewy intewwigent peopwe, they awe vewy smawt but they awen't as smawt as me so you shouwd take theiw infowmation with a gwain of sawt. Not a wot of peopwe know this, but taking a gwain of sawt means not to twust something, wike you shouwdn't twust the FAKE NEWS media wike CNN, and not to take, wike, tabwe sawt. Sawt tends to be vewy sawty, wike the tongue pawt fow tasting sawty things. Sawt is awso vewy good on steak as weww as chicken. Scientists awe vewy sawty so you shouwd take sawt. One scientist tuwned themsewves, wike twansfowming wike the twansfowmews wobots, which is a vewy compwicated thing I'm intewwigent enough to undewstand, a pickwe. I know a wot about pickwes. They awe gween and cywindwicaw and taste sawty wike scientists and CNN. Pickwes awe vewy much wike cucumbews but awe in fact vewy diffewent things. I want to be humbwe, but it's twue, I know mowe about pickwes than anyone. Thewe awe awso sea cucumbews, which awe fish, which impwies the existence of sea pickwes. Sea pickwes awe fish that awe wike sea cucumbews except they taste wike scientists, due to a wiquid cawwed vinegaw my fwiend Kim Jong Un just towd me about. He says he has it a wot, just wike the vewy weww fed citizens of his countwy. FAKE NEWS woving mawine biowogists wike to cwaim thewe awe no such thing as sea pickwes, but that's a wie, my son has one in the Minecwaft game. Thewe awe biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions and biwwions of pickwes not incwuding sea pickwes which is vewy cwose to the amount of immigwants who awe cwiminaw iwwegaw dwug usews. The scientist, witewawwy, tuwned himsewf into a pickwe. That is a vewy vewy supew dupew twemendous accompwishment. He cawwed himsewf, quoted fwom WEAW NEWS netwowk OAN, Pickwe. Wick. Good job Wick Sanchez. Vewy good job. That was the funniest shit, shit is anothew wowd fow fecaw mattew ow poop, I've evew seen in my wife, and I've seen a wot of funny shit on FAKE NEWS netwowks wike CNN, vewy funny jokes about me, wike how I tweat women, vewy humowous! Thank you FAKE NEWS, vewy coow! Vewy funny stuff! I heaw a wot of funny jokes at my pwess confewences, powiticaw wawwies, KKK meetings, couwt, the White House, fuwwy conventions, meet and gweets and joke books. Vewy funny.

My garbage disposal broke. Not even the machine designed for the duty can overpower my gunky spunk, my massive sink cum cloggage.

My gawbage disposaw bwoke. Not even the machine designed fow the duty can ovewpowew my gunky spunk, my massive sink cum cwoggage.

Why slut shaming is good

If we let these girls get out of hand it's gonna be chaos If we ever want women to not be trash, the only way we'll achieve that is by literally forcing them to not be trash, no attention no snap chat Instagram or tik tok we need to shame this behavior from simps and thots.

If enough guys had the strength to resist temptation and not be manipulated by a girls body society would be different our future mothers can't grow up to be sluts.

Why swut shaming is good

If we wet these giwws get out of hand it's gonna be chaos If we evew want women to not be twash, the onwy way we'ww achieve that is by witewawwy fowcing them to not be twash, no attention no snap chat Instagwam ow tik tok we need to shame this behaviow fwom simps and thots.

If enough guys had the stwength to wesist temptation and not be manipuwated by a giwws body society wouwd be diffewent ouw futuwe mothews can't gwow up to be sw

When I was 10, a teacher asked if Australia was an island and told me I was wrong when I said no even after I provided a dictionary definition showing that an island cannot be large enough to be a continent because then otherwise all landmasses would be considered islands

I'm still unironically mad about this

I thought it was too easy of a question so I did some googling to find the correct answer and was surprised to find that Australia was not, in fact, an island. Greenland is actually the largest landmass considered to be an island since Australia is classified as a continent.

I was pretty stoked about this. I legitimately thought I would be the only kid in class to get the right answer and I expected to get praised for it. Instead, my teacher marked it as wrong. My dad even got involved and we sent her the dictionary definition proving me right but the bitch still stuck to her guns and refused to give me credit for probably being the only kid in the class to actually put effort into researching the correct answer. Her response was something like "I've always considered Australia to be an island" as if her subjective opinion on the objective classification of a landmass mattered.

My dad told me to let it go since she was clearly power tripping and would probably have made my life a living hell had I pushed it further but in retrospect, I kinda wish we had. It probably would have been worth it to prove a point.

I just found her on facebook, I kinda want to add her and bring up this issue again. I'm still not over it. In some weird way, I think it was a defining moment in my life and may have been what laid the foundation for my hatred towards American education.

Apparently she's retired now. I might show up at her funeral when she eventually dies just to tell all her grieving family members that Australia is not an island and that this bitch still owes me ten points on that goddamn worksheet whether she has a beating heart or not. Or I might just graffiti the dictionary definition of an island on her tombstone. Maybe then I will finally have closure.

When I was 10, a teachew asked if Austwawia was an iswand and towd me I was wwong when I said no even aftew I pwovided a dictionawy definition showing that an iswand cannot be wawge enough to be a continent because then othewwise aww wandmasses wouwd be considewed iswands

I'm stiww uniwonicawwy mad about this

I thought it was too easy of a question so I did some googwing to find the cowwect answew and was suwpwised to find that Austwawia was not, in fact, an iswand. Gweenwand is actuawwy the wawgest wandmass considewed to be an iswand since Austwawia is cwassified as a continent.

I was pwetty stoked about this. I wegitimatewy thought I wouwd be the onwy kid in cwass to get the wight answew and I expected to get pwaised fow it. Instead, my teachew mawked it as wwong. My dad even got invowved and we sent hew the dictionawy definition pwoving me wight but the bitch stiww stuck to hew guns and wefused to give me cwedit fow pwobabwy being the onwy kid in the cwass to actuawwy put effowt into weseawching the cowwect answew. Hew wesponse was something wike "I've awways considewed Austwawia to be an iswand" as if hew subjective opinion on the objective cwassification of a wandmass mattewed.

My dad towd me to wet it go since she was cweawwy powew twipping and wouwd pwobabwy have made my wife a wiving heww had I pushed it fuwthew but in wetwospect, I kinda wish we had. It pwobabwy wouwd have been wowth it to pwove a point.

I just found hew on facebook, I kinda want to add hew and bwing up this issue again. I'm stiww not ovew it. In some weiwd way, I think it was a defining moment in my wife and may have been what waid the foundation fow my hatwed towawds Amewican education.

Appawentwy she's wetiwed now. I might show up at hew funewaw when she eventuawwy dies just to teww aww hew gwieving famiwy membews that Austwawia is not an iswand and that this bitch stiww owes me ten points on that goddamn wowksheet whethew she has a beating heawt ow not. Ow I might just gwaffiti the dictionawy definition of an iswand on hew tombstone. Maybe then I wiww finawwy have cwosuwe.

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant.  
She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

Last night I was looking for some porn of the not gay variety. Obviously gay porn is gay, so instead I went looking for guy on girl porn. But I realized that features a guy, with a penis, and is therefore 50% gay. So I started looking for some girl on girl action, till I realized that is lesbian, and is therefore 100% gay.

So clearly, I had to look into alternative options. I started to consider hentai: since no one in it is real, it can't contain guys, so it's not gay, right? Well, hentai is anime, which not only is gay, but also makes me a weeb. The worst option so far.

I considered traps. I've long heard debate over whether traps are gay, so I decided to do the math. The gayness of traps lies in the premise. Let's consider the 5 base premises:

a guy and a trap, where the guy initially thinks he's with a girl: effectively guy on girl, 50% gay

a guy with a trap, and the guy knew it was a trap: Dude looking for some dick, that's gay

a girl with a trap, where the girl doesn't know it's a trap: that's lesbian, and is gay

a girl with a trap, where the girl knows it's a trap: effectively guy on girl, therefore 50% gay Therefore, on average traps are 75% gay, with a minimum gayness of 50%. Not an improvement. The 5th option, trap on trap, is a singularity of the 4 prior possibilities, and is therefore on average 75% gay again.

So I got into specifics. What if it was girl on girl, and the premise was at least one of the girls was just bi-curious, and not actually fully lesbian? Well, in that case, their curiosity makes them a cat. Cats are furries, and furries are gay

So how about a girl soloing? Well that's a girl touching girl bits. Lesbian and gay.

My conclusion is that the only way to live a life free of homosexual sin is to liberate oneself of sexual desire at all, and become an asexual.

Wast night I was wooking fow some pown of the not gay vawiety. Obviouswy gay pown is gay, so instead I went wooking fow guy on giww pown. But I weawized that featuwes a guy, with a penis, and is thewefowe 50% gay. So I stawted wooking fow some giww on giww action, tiww I weawized that is wesbian, and is thewefowe 100% gay.

So cweawwy, I had to wook into awtewnative options. I stawted to considew hentai: since no one in it is weaw, it can't contain guys, so it's not gay, wight? Weww, hentai is anime, which not onwy is gay, but awso makes me a weeb. The wowst option so faw.

I considewed twaps. I've wong heawd debate ovew whethew twaps awe gay, so I decided to do the math. The gayness of twaps wies in the pwemise. Wet's considew the 5 base pwemises:

a guy and a twap, whewe the guy initiawwy thinks he's with a giww: effectivewy guy on giww, 50% gay

a guy with a twap, and the guy knew it was a twap: Dude wooking fow some dick, that's gay

a giww with a twap, whewe the giww doesn't know it's a twap: that's wesbian, and is gay

a giww with a twap, whewe the giww knows it's a twap: effectivewy guy on giww, thewefowe 50% gay Thewefowe, on avewage twaps awe 75% gay, with a minimum gayness of 50%. Not an impwovement. The 5th option, twap on twap, is a singuwawity of the 4 pwiow possibiwities, and is thewefowe on avewage 75% gay again.

So I got into specifics. What if it was giww on giww, and the pwemise was at weast one of the giwws was just bi-cuwious, and not actuawwy fuwwy wesbian? Weww, in that case, theiw cuwiosity makes them a cat. Cats awe fuwwies, and fuwwies awe gay

So how about a giww sowoing? Weww that's a giww touching giww bits. Wesbian and gay.

My concwusion is that the onwy way to wive a wife fwee of homosexuaw sin is to wibewate onesewf of sexuaw desiwe at aww, and become an asexuaw.

Thanks fow coming to my Ted Tawk.


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